Empty Chairs at Empty Tables
by yamiishot
Summary: After Arcee's death, Optimus is left with his thoughts. Takes place after On My Own.


He stared down into the cube of energon in his hands, feeling no desire to replenish himself when he felt so hollow inside. Arcee, his brave soldier, his loyal friend…gone. It seemed too unreal, too insane to think of such a thing. Only that morning had she been returning from patrol with a smile ready for him, sharing a cube with her team mates.

He couldn't grasp the idea that she had passed on in his arms.

For him.

His spark ached as he stared into the cube, the blue liquid reminding him of her pain filled optics. No longer desiring the cube, he pushed it away, unable to stand looking at it a moment longer.

-0-

Once upon a time, Orion had hoped for a family. He'd hoped for love, for someone to hold at night, to hold him. For someone to tell his darkest fears and brightest dreams and to hear theirs in return. To raise a family.

Those hopes were dashed when he was announced Prime.

From then on, he was always alone. Surrounded by people, surrounded by friends, yes…but never more than a friendly look was cast his way. Dreams of family, of love and raising the next generation curled up and died before his optics.

This war was more important than the love life of one mech; he knew that…He just wished he didn't have to be so alone through it all.

-0-

Never had he been more tempted to throw aside all his Primus-forsaken vows than when he met her. One look, one smile from her and the heaviness in his spark was gone. Intelligent, strong, beautiful…everything he could have hoped for. And ultimately, never his to touch, to love or to worship. Never his to spoil with gifts nor treat with surprise visits to the most beautiful areas of their home world.

"Optimus Prime." She'd said, gazing up at him with bright optics. "A pleasure."

"The pleasure is mine." He'd rumbled in return, kneeling down to look her in the optics (oh, how he'd fallen for those beautiful optics). They'd grasped arms and from then on, it was a fight not to pick her up and carry her away to treat her like the goddess she was.

-0-

The cube still sat before him as he thought of her, recalling the sound of her laughter, the touch of her hand in his. He recalled it in such wonderful clarity that he had to check to see if she was still in the room. His spark filled with hope, foolishly, hope that was shattered when he realised he was simply wishing for the impossible.

It seemed that was all he would ever do, wish for impossible things. Megatron coming to his senses, a family, a peaceful end to the war...Arcee's miraculous return to life.

He'd have given up being a Prime for that last one.

-0-

Beside the cairn over Cliffjumper's horn, Optimus erected a second one for Arcee. Under it, he placed one of the few pieces of her they'd managed to preserve from the acid; one of the femme's arm blades. As he built, Jack had helped despite his small stature. Optimus was grateful to him, but was glad when he was left to finish it, the young human unable to continue through his grief and exhaustion.

When he was finished, the Prime crouched in front of it as he so often did to speak to her. It was easier to pretend she was there, that she was listening, if he crouched like this.

"Is it selfish of me? To want you back so badly, I would lose this war for you?" He murmured softly. "I'd give Ratchet the Matrix; give up fighting…give up my very spark for you."

He paused, optics looking up at the stars above them. "But you wouldn't have wanted that. That's why you did this. Saved me…You said you might have loved me. Perhaps it's a good thing I didn't know until it was too late. I might have loved you too." He reached out and touched the cairn gently, fondly even. "I will see you again Arcee."

The Prime rose to his feet slowly, stepping back from the cairn and from the edge of the rooftop, back inside the base. The cube he'd left behind was still sitting there, waiting for him. Only this time, the table was filled with his team, with friends.

Ratchet pushed the cube in his direction, crossing his arms sternly. "Drink it or wear it."

Optimus slowly sank into his seat, gazing around at the faces staring back at him. All were concerned, even their little human friends. Feeling more than a little under pressure, he picked up the cube and tentatively took a sip.

"Good. Arcee wouldn't want you wasting away, you know." Ratchet said gently, no longer stern now that his leader was refuelling like he should be. "We all miss her Optimus, but that's no reason to starve yourself."

As Ratchet lectured, Optimus found his optics drawn to Arcee's empty seat at the table. Jack stood by the space, making the loss of his guardian even clearer. There would be no happy ending for Arcee, or him. Not here. When they were both together in the Well of Allsparks, perhaps they would stand a chance.

The thought of being able to see her again filled him with the desire to live, to protect what Arcee had cared for in her life. Jack and his mother. Right in the middle of Ratchet's speech about how he needed to look after himself and how they'd all be there for him, Optimus himself spoke up.

"Jack needs a new guardian. I intend to fill that role… For Arcee."

Their stunned faces almost made him laugh. As it was, he smiled slightly instead. "It's what Arcee would have wanted. For me to go on living, and protecting those who need it."

Jack hesitantly stepped forwards, coming to lay his hand on one of Optimus' fingers around the cube. "For Arcee."

Optimus nodded slowly, offering the boy a lift to his shoulder, a mirror of where Miko and Raf often sat when with Bulkhead and Bee. "For Arcee."

-0- -0-

((A/N: Sorry about the delay in Falling Star, been a bit busy lately. I've got a problem in that I don't have Microsoft word anymore, and so far Open Office has managed to delete half my uni homework and make the rtf files I use for fanfiction and homework submitting into a mess of horrible formatting. I'm trying to deal with that and so far using an older version of doc, the XP version rather than the newer one, seems to be fine for my homework but I don't know about fics. I'm going to have to test a few things but yeah, this is going to delay things a little.))


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